/ 5Guillermo del Toro must have had a grand time writing and filming Hellboy. After putting in the last period on the script and filming the last shot, Guillermo must have been wholly satisfied that every scene was going to work before an actual audience, because, after all, every scene had already been before a real audience. And that, moviegoers, is what cripples Hellboy.
Here’s the plot: a demon in infancy, summoned by Nazi’s and a not-so-dead Rasputin (Karel Rodin), is rescued by British special forces during World War II. Hellboy (Ron Perlman) is raised to fight, along side a pair of other freaks (Selma Blair and Doug Jones), against the forces of darkness. The forces of darknes are, naturally, an age defying Nazi femme-fatale (Biddy Hodson), a clock-work man (Ladislav Beran), and an amphibious beast called Samiel. Eventually the whole thing comes to a head with an evil plot to bring about the end of the world.
With a plot like that, there’s plenty of room to film scenes that everybody and their uncle has filmed before. Before the first twenty minutes were up I thought I was in some sort of mixed up world where Men in Black and Raiders of the Lost Ark got smooshed together. The feeling persisted throughout the movie. Before the second act was up I was sure every big action movie had been picked clean of interesting action sequences. I was wrong.
Aside from the early Raiders homage, one of the more protracted fights in the movie looked like it was filmed in the same set that Keanu Reeves and Hugo Weaving battle each other in during The Matrix. Hellboy and company search dangerous underground tunnels and encounter creatures underwater in a dubious nod to Alien: Ressurection. Hellboy’s climactic battle ends in a way that hasn’t been done since Men In Black. Obi-Wan Kenobi could have described Kroenen, creepy clock-work bad guy, for us with the same breath he used to describe Darth Vader. Not enough geeky homages for you yet? Maybe you need H.P. Lovecraft’s help with The Call of Cthulhu.
I walked out of the theater thinking: haven’t I already seen that movie?
There’s good news and there’s bad news once you look past the rehashing. The good news is that the movie’s main character is interesting, and its acting, subplots, secondary characters, one-liners, and graphics don’t hurt the movie. The bad news is that they don’t help either; they’re nothing special and barely warrant mention. And for that, Hellboy falls into the pit of mediocrity. I won’t bring out Hellboy when discussing some of the truly awful flicks I’ve seen, but that’s just because once I’m finished writing this review, I might not remember this movie again.
Verdict: You’re not missing anything by missing Hellboy. You’ve seen it already.
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